My stomach is now giving me some real jip. Yesterday I didn't eat a particularly enourmous amount, for breakfast I had a bowl of cereal, a yoghurt and a small pastry. We had a pub lunch and I had a steak and ale pie with veg and chips, I shared a fair bit of the pie with Fidget. In the afternoon I had a few crisps and nibbles and then had a sandwhich for tea plus a sliver of pear tart. All very yummy, all pretty healthy and balanced. But that evening I was in such pain, as there was no room at all, I felt my sides were splitting, my muscles at my side were straining and so painful. My rather irrational reaction was that I didn't want to eat anymore, which I know is stupid and I wont do, but it was just so horrible, and it has been getting worse and worse like that and I know that I still have a few weeks left where mini-C will be growing and growing and there will be less and less room.


With Fidget I didn't have many stretchmarks on my stomach (lots on my boobs - but hey), apart from a small patch above my belly button. This time the patch above my belly button was visible again, but until recently nothing else, but it has now got more stretched and messy stretch lines are appearing in a vertical plane below my belly button which I find really upsetting. Some nights I can almost feel the skin stretching which is terrifying, the thought of having the scars is upsetting but also the physcological effect of feeling my skin going beyond its limit and starting to give up is frightening. I hope it doesn't get too much worse - everytime I go to a bathroom with a mirror I check they haven't got worse. I might take a picture. They probably don't look bad at all, but I feel really deflated by their arrival.

34 week pictures - taken on Monday this week...

I think I was feeling rather grumpy at the time, I was feeling pretty urrrrggg earlier this week. I feel very big - I know that my bump is very neat and I am grateful for that, but I just feel that I am large - that I fill up the space. I put on clothes and they just flooob outwards and make me feel like a table with a fussy tablecloth on it in a stuffy old house.


As I write this, I am in a much better headspace. Today M and I went to a partner's workshop. I have been going to active birthing classes each week led by a lady called Vivien. There are some basic principles to an active birth...

• Its active as opposed to passive, so we learn about labour and birth in more detail and consider what choices we might make in different situations.
  
• Its active as opposed to static, so its about moving around, giving the baby plenty of room to come out, getting into positions to be most comfortable
• We learn about breathing techniques - the main principle being breath out for longer than you breath in "in for 4, out for 6", this helps to cope with the pain
• Its about getting into a headspace where you are ready to cope with the pain, trying not to get overwhelmed, understanding if you are coping and if so keeping on, if not - making active choices about pain relief etc

So today, M and I went to a partner workshop. We were really grateful for N and little I coming over to spend the afternoon with Fidget so we could go. It was great to have M there learning about this stuff, really reassuring for me. He is great at retaining information, and is so supportive, so I am pleased we are coming from the name direction and can really work together. We learnt about the birth process, asking questions, breathing techniques, we watched some useful videos and finished it all off with some massage which was really nice.

So it's not long to go now, I feel pretty prepared. I just have to pack my hospital bag and write my birth plan. M and I have made a few different playlists of music with different feels, one with very relaxing music, one which is about moving and one which the tracks are a bit more can-do and motivating. M has to get the crib down from the loft and I may need to get a new mattress cos I don't think we protected it very well. I am looking forward to getting off work. 16th September is my last working day, but I am taking quite a few days off before then. Fidget is going to be staying in nursery 2 days a week so I will have a few days to myself, which i am looking forward to, so I can get my hair done, get any final bits I need to buy, but then relaxing as much as possible.

It feels really close now, and I do feel ready, not scared.

One thing I was thinking though, is because I was induced last time, and we went in on the day, and there was a very managed build up to the whole thing, it will probably be very strange to have labour start when its going to start - ie as a surprise, weird to think it could start anywhere rather than it starting while I am already at the hospital. This time we could be early, which I sort of hope not - even though I definitely don't want to be late and go down that road again - but I hope I do get some time off to relax when I finish work, but hey ho - what will be will be...

29 weeks...

My bump is certainly a proper bump and I am noticeably pregnant. It is a very round neat bump, pretty much all baby - it was the same with Fidget though I feel slightly bigger this time - but not by much evidently as most people don't believe I am 6 months.

I certainly don't mind having a small, neat bump. So far no stretch marks which is great and it is easier to get away without having to have all maternity clothes. I have a few long t-shirts from last time that are fine and then my 2 pairs of maternity trousers.

I did get a couple of maternity skirts from ebay for work as in the hotter weather I am finding it hard in trousers and still need something smart.


For saying my bump is neat - there isn't alot of room left inside. The reason it is so neat is that there is alot of me for baby to hide in (being tall), but I do feel like I need a pressure release valve or something. I need to eat lots to keep my energy up - but there is just no room. I struggle to bend down and put on my shoes or pick something up.


Sleeping at night is a bit difficult as I need to get up more regularly than before to go to the loo and also I am getting a lot of pain in my hips so have to keep switching which side I lie on.

I have started sorting out Fidget's baby clothes. M got them all down from the loft, we sorted out the smaller ones and put the rest back up. M spent much of Monday washing them all and now I need to get them organised into the drawers in the nursery.

We also got the car seat and baby seat down, so I feel like I am making progress on my earlier list. We have bought a couple of packs of tiny nappies. And this evening I have been checking out nursing bras online.

Hot milk look cool http://www.hotmilklingerie.co.nz/lingerie/. Being pregnant with Fidget and breastfeeding - my boobs (or boops as Fidget calls them) got rather big. 32F to be precise. I think before this I hadn't been properly measured as I was in 34C but anyway. They never really got smaller after I finished breastfeeding. And now they are just getting bigger. I am busting out of my most roomy 32F, so goodness knows what size I am now. I will head to PerfectFit in Keynsham soon to get properly measured and then probably buy some more online later.

I am scared at the moment about lack of sleep. Fidget doesn't nap reliably during the day, so if mini-C isn't sleeping well at night I am going to be shattered! We will just have to deal with it when we get there, but it makes me feel exhausted already to think about it.

I have been really slack at posting, so here I am at almost 27 weeks. This picture was taken midweek, last week. I have a definite bump now. Lots of people say it is quite a neat bump which it probably is but I do feel it is bigger than with Fidget. I am definitely struggling more with clothes, particularly in the hot weather we have been having as I have few skirts that fit and no shorts.

The hot weather hasn't been too bad but it makes me even more lethargic than before. Still feeling good health wise but just so tired, so I find looking after Fidget tiring particularly as she is currently having a "napping is for wimps" period.

I can't believe I am nearly at my third trimester it is pretty crazy.

Mush's baby boy Leo was born on Tuesday morning.

He is a lovely healthy looking baby but unfortunately has an infection, so they have had to stay in hospital. Yesterday evening N picked me up and we went in to see them both.

Mush is looking really well, and her birth story is inspiring as she managed to get through a 17hr labour using only a tens machine. Leo is such a cutie, I couldn't beleive how small and light he was, I couldn't remember Fidget being that small, even though his birth weight was heavier than Fidget. It was lovely having cuddles with him, with him just yawning and stretching and regarding me out of one eye.

Sitting at Mush's bedside in the same hospital, with the weather outside being very similar to when Fidget was born took me back as if it were yesterday we were there. I could almost taste the chocolate bars I had had stashed in my bedside locker! It was actually a very positive experience, the first time we went back to the hospital I felt really sick just being back there. But this was very different, and I really felt ready to do this and felt that it doesnt need to be bad and scary.

Up to now I havent really done anything to prepare for the birth (apart from yoga), but I came back wanting to get ready, and in doing so, accepting and welcoming what is coming next, ie the birth, which is scary but can be much more positive and I can do it.

So things that need to be done (not in any particular order):

• Fix-up the safety rail on Fidget's new bed
• Move Fidget into her new room
• Tidy up the nursery
• Get the clothes down from the loft, sort out which ones will be needed initially, wash them and put them away
• Figure out what additional clothes etc are needed
• Get a new nursing bra
• Tidy up the porch (so the prams can fit in)
• Get the pram down from the loft and clean it
• Get the crib down from the loft and clean it
• Get a new matress for the crib
• Write a birth plan
• Read-up on birth
• Re-read books "the social baby" and "why love matters"
• Get teeny-weeny nappys
• Buy expressing bags
• Decide on names
• Pack hospital bag

I've probably forgotten lots and of course I dont need to do this all right now, but I do feel ready now to make a start.

Yesterday we went for my 20 week scan. We got to the hospital early and M dropped me off while he and Fidget went to park the car. They called me in 15 minutes before my appointment time but M still wasnt back from parking. I asked if I could phone him but was bustled into the room and told the receptionist would send him in.


The nurse went through the scan process and everything was normal and healthy. She then went out to see if M was there, but he wasnt. She had a look to see what the sex of the baby is. It was a funny veiw of the baby's little bottom cheeks and legs above that, she said she was pretty sure it was a girl (though you can never be sure) and I would have to agree. So by then we were finished even though it was 10 minutes before my appointment time. I went out to the waiting room to find a furious M just got to the desk and complaining about there being no parking.


Fortunately the kind nurse had offered to let us go back in for a quick look if M got there within a few minutes. So we went back in and had another breif tour.


The picture was really clear and it was so cool to see our little baby kicking and moving around. We got quite a few pictures.

My 17 week picture...

at which point I was 78.9kg.

Been feeling good now the morning sickness is gone and eating very well. Get really tired still which is the only complaint I have at the moment.

Definitely got a baby belly now, it popped up in the last week or so. Am having a bit of a clothing crisis with it though as have very few trousers that fit.

Had the midwife appointment last week, it was very much in and out, apparently my iron levels are excellent, all my tests are back normal. Had a listen to the baby's heartbeat which was great.

Yesterday at work I felt the baby moving properly for the first time, just like he was flicking his finger on my belly down on the left hand side for a while, then a bit later on it was central on my lower stomach. V. cool!